I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
