Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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