history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
