Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
