He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I want to be your penis for a week.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
