So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize