you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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