my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize