it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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