So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
