I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
