i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
