Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
