Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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