dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
