wake up i wanna do it froggy style
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
