Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
