id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
