you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
