Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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