yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Randomize
