I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
