The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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