i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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