1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
