I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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