she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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