I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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