and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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