I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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