I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
