Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
