You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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