you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
