she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
