how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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