i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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