Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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