my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize