Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
