we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
