Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
