just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
