she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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