We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
