he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize