Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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