2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
