I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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