FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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