she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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