So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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