I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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