i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
