I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
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