Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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