I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
