Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
