you're like a bully in the Christmas story
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
