Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
