God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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