Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
