I'm eating all of the evidence.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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