Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize