If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
