I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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