i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
