i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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