So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
