so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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