u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
