This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
