I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize