They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
