Barsexuality is the new black.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
