I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I just found puke in my bra..
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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