dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
