I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
