Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
is wine microwaveable?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
this hospital has no fireball
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
