I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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