On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize