from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He shit in the fireplace
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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