I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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