can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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