that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
