I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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