So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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