He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
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