Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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