Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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