You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
