And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
