no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
