I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
