My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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