whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'm passing your future prison.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
