All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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