my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I think my moral compass just broke
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
