My girlfriend figured out who you are.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
