Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
