Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Houston, we have a squirter
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
