white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
