we have officially lost it.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
