6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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