Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
