Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
