I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
