Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
